Prison of pain

The bars from that prison of pain no longer hold me. They no longer dictate what each day will be like. No longer do I have to stay in that cell and pray till I’m begging that I can make it through the day. No longer am I held in the all consuming darkness of never getting out into the sunlight. I am a free woman. There was a scare a year and a half ago when I was in a rollover car accident, missing the telephone pole by 3 inches. My angels worked overtime that day. Actually, I think they work overtime every day on my behalf. The fear that began to envelop me after that accident was such a strong force. It tried to tell me that the injuries from the accident would be forever. It tried to tell me that I was going back to that hopeless jail of pain. But that was not to be my path again. I had already been on that path and survived, barely. On 4/2/12, I attempted to forever be rid of all the pain. That was not to be my end though. There seemed to be a greater plan for me. 43 yrs was not enough for me to live evidently.
I am filled with such gratitude of where my life has taken me to this point. While strolling through my garden yesterday, I had to fight back tears of gratitude. I began to reflect on what it’s taken to get here. To be able to start my own business is truly a dream coming true. In the last 2 years I have lived a lifetime, fighting to live again. Thankfully, I have been surrounded my incredible family and friends who love me and who have supported me in every way I can think of. Therein lies the richness, the beauty. I am wealthy. I see it. I know it. I embrace it.
If you saw me, you wouldn’t see the physical pain I am in daily. But I can assure you, it’s there. The difference now is I have the skills and tools needed to manage it. I am no longer held in an opioide induced stupor prescribed by ignorant doctors. I no longer need a wheelchair or a walker. I can walk on my own again. I can think again and I can choose again. I choose each day to live fully. Some days that means resting and not fighting it, but fully embracing it. Other days, I can be in my garden fully enjoying its beauty while I make my mark on it. Whatever the days bring now, I get to choose because, you see, I am a free woman.


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